Take Me Back To The Start
by AxelCat
Summary: A continuation of 'The Break-Up.' Spoilers for S04E04 of Glee.


Finn moved to open the door, but he stopped when he heard the soft mumble of voices.

"What are you doing up?" Kurt asked in that soft falsetto of his. There was the sound of ruffling fabrics, and the soft thump of Blaine, supposedly, sitting down.

There was a deep sigh. "I couldn't sleep... you left, and I thought we should talk." Finn opened the door, just a crack, so he could see them. He loved his baby brother, and he liked Blaine. They were a perfect fit, and he didn't want that to be ruined. Blaine was an idiot, sure, but he had always known that. He couldn't believe that the smaller man had honest-to-God cheated on Kurt - maybe he had kissed someone else, but slept with them? No, he couldn't... he didn't want to believe that.

"There isn't much to talk about," Kurt said shortly.

"Please, Kurt..." Blaine whispered.

Kurt's body was shaking. "I kind of feel like I'm gonna die," he whispered back. "And you did this to me. You did this to us, Blaine!"

"I know," the younger choked out through his own tears. "I know, and I'm so sorry, Kurt. Please, I love you." He reached up to his partner, who sat completely still.

Kurt flinched back. "Please don't touch me."

"I-I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."

There were several long minutes of silence, only interrupted by Blaine's sobs. "Why did you do it, Blaine?" Kurt asked. His face was blank.

"I was alone! You never answered my phone calls, you didn't- you didn't even know that I got class president, and you made me... you made me feel like you didn't love me anymore!" Blaine whisper-cried. "I didn't know what to do. I thought you'd gone off and found someone else. I thought you may as well have fallen in love with your job, and it felt like you were in the process of leaving me! Eli made me feel wanted again, and I regretted it straight away because I love you, and you love me, and I know that, but... I felt so alone, Kurt, and I'm sorry and I regret it with every fibre in my being, but you have to know I wasn't... I wasn't thinking straight, I just... you didn't say you loved me back. I felt so alone." His voice faded out as he spoke.

Kurt looked conflicted. He wanted to take Blaine into his arms, and hold him tight, let him know that of course he loved him, and of course he wasn't going to leave him. The other part of him, though wanted to hit him. He was lonely, too! He missed Blaine with every fibre in his body, too, but he didn't cheat on him. "'Then talk to me. Tell me you are unhappy, don't... don't cheat on me.' But this time you can't play me and say 'I didn't cheat on you.' Because you did, Blaine, you completely disregarded my very existence, and the promises we made to each other and... you once said you wanted me to be your first, your only, and last. That's never going to happen now, because you... you shared yourself in the most intimate way you could with someone whose name I haven't even heard from you before!" His sentences mashed and blurred together as tears fell down his cheeks and onto his lap. "I feel like I'm dying," he choked out.

"Baby..." Blaine reached out and twined their hands together. Kurt gripped onto him, painfully hard. "I can't... I don't know how I can excuse myself, and I don't want to, just please tell me how I can make you stop hurting." His voice was choked off - the lump in his throat was obvious. "Please, Kurt..."

The brunette boy withdrew his hands from Blaine's, and wiped his eyes with a sharp inhale. "Prove to me you love me," he whispered. "Make me feel like I've a little worth again, because right now, I feel completely worthless." He wiped away a fresh batch of tears and held his head high, trying to hold back his sobs.

Blaine's face crumpled. Of all things, that was what made him fall. "I'm s-so so-sorry, Kurt. I ne-never me-meant to make y-you feel like that, sweetheart, and I would do-do anything to take it all back, an-and I love you so much, I just... you have so-so much wo-worth, and you a-are so perfect and I don't know what to do anymore. Pl-please... please don't leave me."

"I'm to-too stupid to leave you, Blaine... just... you have a flight in a few hours. Get on it, go home... think everything through, then... just... try prove to me why I should keep you."

Blaine nodded shakily, his hands still in Kurt's lap. "I love you," he said. "I know it doesn't mean much right now, but... but I do. So much. You are the love of my life."

Kurt nodded. "You're mine," he admitted. "I don't fell like I'm yours anymore, Blaine. You... you shared yourself with someone else. Having a 'love of your life' sort of means that you don't need anyone else."

"I thought... I only... we only... made-out, Kurt, and the whole time, I imagine he was you."

"I don't want to hear it, Blaine!" Kurt cried, and Rachel made a sound of protest from her bedroom. She got up, distracting Finn for a few moments as Kurt snapped at Blaine. "I never want to hear that boy's name again, let alone what you did or didn't do with him!"

"They're fighting," Rachel whispered with wide eyes. "What happened?" she asked. Temporarily, they forget their troubles as Blaine tried to defend himself.

"Blaine cheated," Finn whispered back.

"We can hear you, you know," Kurt snapped at the semi-open door. "Finn, Blaine, you should help each other pack. Rache and I have actual work to do."

"You won't come say goodbye?" Finn asked his adoptive little brother with slightly wide eyes. "Come on, Kurt..." He gave him his best puppy-eyes as he opened the door in full.

"Fine..."

Blaine kissed Kurt's cheek at the airport, and handed him a single pink rose. "I love you," he whispered against his ear.

'Kurt, I am so sorry. Please forgive me. xo xo xo Blaine.' Kurt leaned down with a deep sigh and picked up the card from the garbage bin. He had the flowers under his arm, with the full intention of regifting them to Rachel, but the way that Blaine's hand-writing curled at the 'g' and 'a...' it reminded him of the love-letters that he used to slip into Kurt's locker. Kurt would never admit that he had them hidden in a little box under his bed - when he was lonely, he would take it out and read over them as he cried. Thank you he text Blaine. Quickly - so he couldn't over think things.

I forgot to mention that I love you Blaine text back, almost immediately.

...aren't you meant to be in class?

Sick day... I woke up so pale mum wouldn't let me go in.

I'm not going to apologize for something I didn't do.

I'm not asking you to... it's completely my fault. Do you like the flowers?

It IS completely your fault... but yes, I do. Thanks again. I'm... I'm hurting right now, let's talk some other time.

Okay. I love you, Kurt. Have a good evening/break/night.

Thanks...

Any time. :)

***

The next day it was a whole three bouquets of red roses, and a song. They weren't sent to their house - oh no. They were delivered to his workplace. One of the assistants came into his office with wide eyes. "Mister Hummel, there's a man here to see you... he says he has a gift for you."

Kurt's eyes went wide, too, and he stood without question. He let the assistant lead him out into the 'lounge' room, where none other than Jesse St. James was standing there, with two young girls, each of them holding a bouquet of roses. Jesse winked at him, and began to sing. "When I was younger I saw my daddy cry, and curse at the wind... he broke his own heart and I watched, as he tried to reassemble it. And my mama swore she would never let herself forget... and that was the day that I promised, that I'd never sing of love, if it does not exist." His silk, rather perfect voice drew people in, watching with wide eyes as he serenaded the brunette. Kurt was blushing wildly throughout the whole song, and only blushed even more when Jesse cried out at the top of his lungs. "'Kurt Hummel, I love you so much, please take me back. Love, Blaine. P.S.: Forgive me for sending Jesse, of all people.'" He handed the bouquet to his old friend, and the two little girls scurried to pass their own to him.

"Jesse... tell Blaine he's an idiot," Kurt ordered.

"Do it yourself - I'm not a messenger!"

"You being here says otherwise!" he cried, just as people began to laugh at the whole affair. His ever charming boss was laughing into her hand, and smiling wildly at him.

"Twenty bucks, my sweet countertenor."

"Blaine paid you for this?"

"Talent comes at a cost. Anyway, he was basically crying, looked like crap, you know: The usual for him. But still, he... he really loves you, Kurt, and he so regrets what he did. You should seriously think about it all before you officially break up with him," he said quietly. He kissed the brunette's cheek very gently. "Now that was from me. Now, I'm going to disappear before people start asking for my autograph." Jesse winked again and took each girl by the hand, turning them around before walking out.

"Someone really loves you," one of the staff called to Kurt, who blushed fiercely and cradled the flowers to his chest.

What am I meant to do with three bouquets? he text to Blaine.

Let them brighten up your day :) I love you, I'm sorry, I love you.

***

It went like that for two weeks. Little to Kurt's knowledge, Blaine still had his tickets for New York. They were, in fact, tucked into his back pocket every single day, providing him with a life-line. So, those two weeks later, he turned up on Kurt's door-step with a box of cheesecake-slice and a single, perfect red rose. "Surprise?" he offered when Kurt opened the door.

Kurt's heart pounded in his chest. Part of him wanted to take Blaine into his arms and hold him, kiss him, love him, but the other part wanted to cry. "Wh-what are you doing here?" he squeaked out, ushering the man inside.

Blaine placed the box down on a table, but tucked the rose into Kurt's breast pocket. "I said two weeks, didn't I?" he asked with a bitter-sweet smile.

"I didn't... I thought..." Kurt stuttered out an incomprehensible sentence and indicated for Blaine to sit. "How long are you here for?" he asked after a few moments of silence.

"Four days," Blaine answered immediately. "I'll stay at a hotel, don't worry." He took the seat with a nod and word of thanks. Kurt sat down across from him, visibly shaking. "Are you okay?"

"All the sweet things you've done. Everything you've said... I... I love you so much, but this all hurts so badly, Blaine. You hurt me. You ARE hurting me, and I don't... I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say."

"I don't, either," Blaine admitted. "Can I... can I hug you, please? Nothing... just... like when we were at Dalton." Kurt nodded shakily, and went over to the couch, where Blaine's warm arms enclosed his waist and pulled him close. He closed his eyes, but immediately regretted it, because he immediately thought of those arms being around someone else. Those lips that were pressed into his shoulder kissing someone else's lips. Those hands that ran down his back running up and down somebody else's cock.

He flinched back. Blaine went wide-eyed, and looked sad as could be - very regretful, of course. "What's wrong?"

"Did you really only kiss Eli?" Kurt whispered.

"We... we made out... and he gave me a hickey."

"Can I see it?"

"It's gone... it was only little. It really hurt, though..."

"It's your fault."

Blaine nodded. "Yeah, I know..." he murmured. "Are we ever going to be the same again?"

"I don't know... Blaine... you cheated. You cheated so severely, like... like Quinn did with Finn -thank god you can't get pregnant- and look at what happened to their relationship... constant manipulation and pain."

"But there were no... no feelings, Kurt, just... just the physical. I just wanted someone... to hold me... to... treasure me, and... I didn't even get that."

"We agreed that... when we lost our virginities to each other... that it would be all about how much we trusted each other. That the physical would represent the emotional, and vice versa... and you wanted it to be an act of love, not an act of physicality. And... and you threw all that out the window. Because you turned sex into hormones, instead of love. I'll never be able to have sex with you again without thinking that your body isn't... isn't mine anymore. It was shared. Even though mine is just... only yours."

"I'm so sorry... I never... I didn't think, I just..."

"You just needed someone. When I need someone, I hop into bed with Rachel and let her hold me, for a while. Why couldn't you do that..? With Tina, with Sam, with Unique, Marley..?"

"I don't have anyone like you do, Kurt! I don't have a Rachel! I don't HAVE Tina, I don't HAVE Sam, I don't HAVE Marley! All I have is you! You and Coop! And you both live in other states! I don't HAVE friends! Sam friend-cheated on me, and now he's disappeared to Brittany's side - I don't... I can't just crawl into somebody's arms. The Warblers hate me, the New Directions don't like me... all I have is you..."

"And Eli," Kurt pointed out. He was remaining as calm as he could, but he still felt very upset. Blaine didn't have anyone?

"I don't care about him! He can't tell me he loves me, he can't hold me, he can't make me feel okay about myself! He's not like you, he can't... he can't do what you do for me, Kurt..." Blaine was crying, then. His eyes already appeared sunken, but now they were beginning to grow red again. "He can't make me feel loved."

Kurt sighed a little, and opened his arms for Blaine, who clung to him like a scared like a scared child with their blanket. "None of this excuses you. I got propositioned so many times while I was here, and not once... even when I want to, did I say 'yes.'"

"NOTHING excuses me, I know... I know... but I hope that something can bring around forgiveness."

"The cheesy, love-sick part of me has already forgiven you, Blaine... but the logical, grown up part of me knows you could do it again, if we get back together, because it will still be a long distance relationship, we will still get lonely, and you will still get angry when I don't always pick up your phone calls! Blaine... I love you, I do, but I'm trying to do the right thing, here." He sighed again, and rested his chin on Blaine's shaking shoulder. "And I need to do the right thing for both of us. I need... I need you to be safe from losing everyone in your life, but I have to put me first. Emotionally, and physically."

"I want you to be as happy as you can be... and I'm selfish, because... more than anything, I want that to be with me."

"The same to you..."

"Then..?"

"Then... let's... let's take this back to the start. Over the next four days... let's go out to coffee, and re-orientate ourselves with one another. I want to know the Blaine Anderson of today, not of my school-boy romance, that ended in tragedy. I don't want our old relationship back, Blaine... I CAN'T have it back. I need a new relationship, in which we are both adults, who can deal with the emotional pressure of a long-distance relationship... and if I can't find that with you, I'll find it with someone else."

"Pl-please..." Blaine whispered, looking up and into Kurt's eyes. "I promise. We can... we can take things slow, get to know each other again, but... but I need you in my life, baby... and I can't do this without you. You're the only good thing in my life right now, and I don't know what I could... how I could..." Tears streamed down his cheeks.

Kurt, very nervously, tilted Blaine's head with a fingertip, and kissed his forehead. "Let's start over, as I said... and after a few dates... and a lot of talk... maybe we can be okay again." He offered Blaine a smile, which was returned immediately.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked shyly, brushing their noses together.

"No, no you can't," Kurt mumbled back with an even sweeter smile. "Let's go back, and do it right. Instead of... making out rather passionately, or you serenading me with Teenage Dream... how about we start the way adults do? A coffee date or two. Then a dinner date. Then a kiss. Then a movie date. Then two kisses. Then a movie and dinner date. Then..." He sounded a little drunk, but if anything, it was only from relief. Blaine chuckled and buried his face in Kurt's shoulder.

"I love you so much," he whispered against his ear. "Thank you."


End file.
